so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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