ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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