This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
