I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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