I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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