I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
