Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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