11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
