This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
dude i'm inner monologue high
I could have mohawked her pubes.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
