Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
