If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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