He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
