"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
