Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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