i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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