We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
