Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Can you bring me the toilet please
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
