sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
