The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
