you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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