Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
