She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
