And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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