I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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