Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
