Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
