Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Couch. On fire.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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