The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
