Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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