I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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