why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
