there's paper in my vomit.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
