I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
