i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
