I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
