Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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