The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
