It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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