Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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