I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
