There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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