i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
