Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize