Girls should come with a carfax report
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
