then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
