I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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