Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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