whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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