She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize