im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
