and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
