Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
