walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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