I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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