Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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