twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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