tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
