Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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