Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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