dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
