there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
