we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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