she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
