How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
