ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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