If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize