Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
