I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Two words: blizzard sex
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
