she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
