The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
