as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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