my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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