omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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