sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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